McDonald’s new Worldwide Favorites menu — a roundup of the chain’s purported top hits abroad — proves that the world’s worse off than we knew.
Each of five items, launched this week and inspired by different countries, is awful in its own way. But hideous qualities they all share make it convenient to flush the whole lot down the toilet at once — ghastly flavors, sickly mouthfeel and industrial-tasting sauces.
If, as McDonald’s boasts, “Around the world is now around the corner,” no one should leave their house.
Stroopwafel McFlurry ($ 3.09)
The Big Mac boys clearly translated “stroopwafel,” the Netherlands’ crispy, caramel creme-filled dessert waffle, as “street pebbles.”
Asphalt-tough fragments are indissoluble enough to clog a drain. Sludgy vanilla soft-serve with a caramel swirl would embarrass a school cafeteria.
Mine came with a plastic spoon, but it needed a garden spade.
Tomato Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich ($ 5.99)
Why a trifle available at any New York bodega is “Canadian” is a puzzle. Insipid, grilled chicken lurks inside an innocuous bun along with soapy mozzarella, slivered onions and laugh-riot “tomatoes.” Gooey tomato-herb sauce annihilates any hint of flavor that dares to peek through.
Tomato Mozzarella Crunchy Chicken Sandwich ($ 5.99)
The same as the above except that the chicken slab pretends to be crunchy.
Grand McExtreme Bacon Burger ($ 7.59 for single patty, $ 8.59 for double)
It’s “Spanish,” you know? A quarter-pound beef patty inside a seeded sesame bun is topped with “Applewood-smoked” bacon that’s the opposite of crisp and cheese from nowhere (oops, it’s Gouda, which ought to make it Dutch). “Smoky McBacon” sauce tastes like chemical solvent.
Cheesy Bacon Fries ($ 3.99)
Last and worst, this “Australian” atrocity coats limp, thin fries in alleged cheddar cheese sauce sprinkled with smoked bacon bits. The yucchy, dense disaster is appalling on the palate — and worse in the gullet, where it might permanently lodge if you aren’t careful.