Dear Coleen: I’m paranoid she’ll cheat on me once our lockdown hell is over

By | June 16, 2020

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my girlfriend for nearly three years. We had a baby in February and moved in with her parents at the start of lockdown, so they could help her while I worked remotely.

However, rather than being easier on us, this time has been stressful and I’ve felt quite down since my daughter’s birth.

My girlfriend and I have been arguing a lot, probably because we’re not sleeping much, and her parents always side with her, even though she’s not always right.

To add to this stress, I’m paranoid our relationship won’t last.

A couple of years ago, she had a short fling with another man, but I took her back and committed to making the relationship work.

She was really sorry about what happened, did her best to explain why she did it and she seemed genuine.

I also accepted my part in being absent a lot of the time. But after the stress of living with her parents in lockdown, we’re not in a good place and I know she’s cheated before, so what’s to stop her doing it again? I just don’t feel close to her at all.

Can you help?

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Coleen says

It sounds like a pressure-cooker situation and I think lots of us have been feeling the same during lockdown.

Everything feels intense because we’re spending way too much time together. You also have a new baby, a huge stress in itself which is bound to have an impact on how you’re feeling.

So I think you have to try to work out how much of what you’re feeling is real cause for concern and how much is down to the surreal situation.

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Your worries might be relieved once you are back in your own place and life starts to feel a bit more normal again.  

Don’t let these feelings of paranoia get out of control.

You made a commitment to working through your problems and moving past the affair, so you have to give her a chance to prove you can trust her. Talk to her about your insecurities – let her reassure you.

Maybe it’s hard to open up a big relationship discussion while living with her parents, but I’m sure you can get out for a walk and have a conversation.

Also, if you don’t feel you’ve dealt with the affair, then consider having some counselling – either couples therapy or sessions on your own.

Good luck.

Mirror – Health