Dear Coleen
I’ve been with my girlfriend for nearly three years. We had a baby in February and moved in with her parents at the start of lockdown, so they could help her while I worked remotely.
However, rather than being easier on us, this time has been stressful and I’ve felt quite down since my daughter’s birth.
My girlfriend and I have been arguing a lot, probably because we’re not sleeping much, and her parents always side with her, even though she’s not always right.
To add to this stress, I’m paranoid our relationship won’t last.
A couple of years ago, she had a short fling with another man, but I took her back and committed to making the relationship work.
She was really sorry about what happened, did her best to explain why she did it and she seemed genuine.
I also accepted my part in being absent a lot of the time. But after the stress of living with her parents in lockdown, we’re not in a good place and I know she’s cheated before, so what’s to stop her doing it again? I just don’t feel close to her at all.
Can you help?
Coleen says
It sounds like a pressure-cooker situation and I think lots of us have been feeling the same during lockdown.
Everything feels intense because we’re spending way too much time together. You also have a new baby, a huge stress in itself which is bound to have an impact on how you’re feeling.
So I think you have to try to work out how much of what you’re feeling is real cause for concern and how much is down to the surreal situation.
Your worries might be relieved once you are back in your own place and life starts to feel a bit more normal again.
Don’t let these feelings of paranoia get out of control.
You made a commitment to working through your problems and moving past the affair, so you have to give her a chance to prove you can trust her. Talk to her about your insecurities – let her reassure you.
Maybe it’s hard to open up a big relationship discussion while living with her parents, but I’m sure you can get out for a walk and have a conversation.
Also, if you don’t feel you’ve dealt with the affair, then consider having some counselling – either couples therapy or sessions on your own.
Good luck.